"I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine all mine"

Job Fairs remind me of the idea of Reconnaissance.

Almost everyone dresses the same. Each employer attempts to lure potential employees with freebies, and each potential employee attempts to find a career that seems fitting.

I've never found career fairs particularly helpful. While they give a general idea of what a company offers, rarely is there someone in your field in that company to talk to. One merely hopes to gain enough information through a less than stellar source for the information one seeks to get a general idea if the company is right for them.

While I did find the career fair to a point interesting and informative, I am still left with a large array of choices, and far too many questions. Where do I want to live? What exactly do I wish to do on a daily basis? What is the minimum I'm willing to get paid? Do I want to be available to be relocated every year?

These questions are overwhelming enough, but then the most terrifying idea arises:
I don't want to stay in Ohio, and this would mean moving away from a person I deeply care about. Again, I'm leaving someone behind and the idea brings me a great deal of anxiety.

As the time frame to start applying for jobs looms nearer everyday, I have put the thought out of my mind, postponed it so to speak. However, the career fair reminds me that this part of my life must be brought forth and dealt with. My feelings must not only be hashed out but expressed.

I never felt comfortable with my feelings, as I have always had reason to avoid attachment usually involved with them. By accepting my feelings, I'd be defenestrating logic and sound reasoning. The problem has become that my feelings match my logic....and I am paralyzed with doubts, sadness, and insecurity. I do not know how to say "I love you" readily without fear, I do not know how to state "I want you in my future" without sounding embarrassed, and the worst part is I do not know how I will deal with the worst case scenario of  "I don't want the same". I am entombed, disoriented, and lacking courage. 

"So if you want to love me
Then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain"

Let's just hope I manage to speak up soon.

"How do you take your coffee my sweet?"

I'm crazy about a Kansas man. Not going to deny it.

Recently, the topic of attractiveness came up. I admitted I found him moderately attractive but not hot. He had trouble distinguishing the difference. To be honest it was difficult for me to try to explain. After thinking about it off and on over the course of the day (as it seemed I had hurt his ego some) the explanation came to me. Brad Pitt is hot, implying I find him a great deal physically appealing. Whereas a young Clint Eastwood is moderately attractive or as would be a more apt descriptor he is simply handsome. Brad is a man to potentially swoon over, and Clint is a man one would simply fall in love with. 

What M fails to understand is that my attractiveness towards him is beyond that of his appearance. This is not to say his appearance is poor for this is far from the truth. He dresses modestly and in such a way that perfectly reflects his general demeanor, he is a Clint Eastwood. I found him attractive within the first weeks of meeting him. His hair is dark, his skin is a lovely  olive-esque tone, and his eyes are a warm rich mahogany. His hands hold strength. His legs are the work of the running gods. He is built just right, as that of Poseidon. Lean and mean. Much of this is due to his own self-discipline, which I have grown to appreciate more and more.

However, the more time I spend with him and the more I get to know him, the more attractive he becomes. He maintains a good character, he is wonderfully manly (which is an incredibly sexy trait), sound in judgement,  maintains his own affairs well (referring to household, finances and general public image), exceptionally intelligent, immensely patient, maintains several hobbies, and his humor I greatly enjoy. 

 He is a handsome man through and through. 

At the end of the day I'd rather watch him run on the treadmill than Brad Pitt any day. 

"The essence of mathematics is not to make simple things complicated, but to make complicated things simple." ~S. Gudder

I've never understood why people hate math. It is far more challenging for me to grasp how people do anything without it. The thought of a society incapable of mathematical calculating abilities and simple algebraic thought is as alarming as illiteracy. The elegance and simplicity are astounding. No one seems to frown upon reading a simple paragraph, but people cringe over the thought of solving the equation (x+ 2)/3 = 10. 


As a child I was fed mathematical worksheets. What strikes many people odd about the math worksheets is the enjoyment I derived from them. Math delighted me. In first and second grade, whenever our class misbehaved, our teacher would begin to write math problems on the boards as "punishment". Luckily, I was a well behaved child in school, as this punishment never caused me fear but greatly excited me. In third grade we learned to multiply. I relished the fact that I would receive a free jolly rancher for doing something I greatly enjoyed. I had my cake and ate it too. The only thing that makes me uneasy about math these days is the branch of geometry. This has always proved challenging to me. 


If we look at the history of mathematical progress, much of it was done as a hobby. The disgust with mathematical courses in schools today will not point us to a happy future. Regardless of your position in society I firmly believe a strong grasp on simple algebra and a decent reading level is necessary to be a successful member of society. In my experience with potential elementary school teachers who deem the knowledge of algebra to be unnecessary (as they will be teaching "pre-school" but certified to teach up to fifth grade), I fear for our future as a country. 


Math is a lifelong friend. No one can steal his devotion away from my life. When I need to know how much to tip my waitress, he is there. When I am paying my bills, he is there. When I want to know how efficient my car is, he is by my side. He is always at my disposal, and I still cannot fathom how anyone would run away from it.