"I sometimes find you and I collide " Sadly you wanted something elastic.

They say no man is an island, but more often than not I feel like an island.

I have a confession. I'm certain I suffer from some form of depression, that I have a low self-esteem, and I am never fully certain anyone ever likes me. I have serious trust issues.

Confession 2: I ignore that anything in my first confession is true.

In all respects it is easier to think that I am not blue or lonely. I attempt to do everything to surround myself with people. I know it is best for me.

My inner thoughts make me question my sanity-- for to live is to frankly suffer longer.

Now suffering is good and all. I should clarify. Suffering has its meaning, its points, its lessons. Inherently suffering in my mind isn't a product of evil, but a natural often occurring phenomenon. It happens. From what we suffer becomes the unbearable part.

I've thought of various ways to curb my loneliness and really... nothing has been found that works. Alcohol keeps me from remembering my ex-boyfriend--- or perhaps he is never on my mind when I drink. Either way. I try not to use alcohol this way. I fear being lonely AND an alcoholic.

 I usually attempt more constructive methods, which do not relieve my loneliness but make it much more enjoyable to suffer in. Music is an example. While it might remind me of what I've lost, what I am missing out on, music reminds me that I am not alone in thinking.

I'd write my future husband letters if I actually believed he existed. I guess it is more that I need convincing he actually exists anymore...and that my desires to be married to a godly, good, man are not disillusion of my own working. Then again I'm not good enough-- ask my ex-boyfriend.

Rambling is a result of being upset for me. I just need to get things off my chest so to speak. If no one cares to listen at least the internet will still accept my posts. Ha! It can't escape.

And the Title. A poor jab at the ex-boyfriend-- because I'm upset and he's an easy target. Shame on me. When the rain comes I'm sure he wouldn't offer an umbrella.