"I find I'm scared to know I'm" *never* "on your mind."

I am getting closer to having the first week of grad school out of the way. Yippie!

I never pictured myself in Ohio. In all honesty I feel that I am very much in the right place. There is a large Asian population it seems in the area (judging by the Korean and Chinese Baptist Churches), which is always a plus. I like Asians. I've never met a mean one.

Though I've been in the area for two weeks now, I still have no "friends". I define a friend as someone I can call up and go hang out with. Someone whom calls me frequently. Though I have many friends that don't meet this criteria. I get lonely. But the best way to avoid loneliness is to remain distracted. I try very hard. I fear being this way for a lifetime and it is horrifying.

I've done much to help my friendless problem. I attend classes, talk to people around campus, and go to the gym. I even joined a group on-line of 20-somethings that get together and do things. I started to go to church last week and hopefully weeks to come will be fruitful. I simply want a friend near.

This makes me think back to something G said. He was always worried I wouldn't do well by myself. That I couldn't sustain myself. I have managed to get a car, get an apartment, and soon will be living financially stable. I can make it by alone. I hope that I'd make you proud, but I'm sure I'm a failure in your eyes. In fact I bet you don't care.

This reminds me of people who care. My undergrad prof asked about me the other day. It is assuring to know that he cared. I miss that man. Teachers are wonderful people.

I write here tonight, almost as a small prayer, in hopes that soon a friend will show. Soon I will find contentment with life. I feel I am close to being content. I don't really need much.

500 sq ft of apartment is what 30+ men in a Chilean mine have. How richly blessed am I? (Note that I wouldn't want anything bigger than what I currently have. This is a nice size for me... but 33 men! geez!)

I am certain someone loves me beyond measure.

By the way, you should read Dracula. Awesome book. I really enjoyed it for many reasons. It reminds me how some trials must be endured for the best.