"He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" ~Zephaniah 3:17b

You know what I want at this point in my life?

I want to have someone to sleep next to.

While there are many perks to living by oneself, there are also many disadvantages.

One evening in the not so distant past I went to a Meijer's (think a better version of wal-mart). Going as late as I did there aren't many people there compared to the after-work crowd, and the people shopping seem so much more relaxed.

Commonly I look at what is on sale when I shop, and I came across a woman while I was looking at yogurts. I of course, being the chatty individual I am started a conversation. I had lamented how stores rarely cater to the single person household. She was there shopping for a family of 5. I remember envying her. While food went so fast in her home, I could barely eat everything I bought in an ample amount of time.

Everyday I go to bed alone, I eat alone, a watch movies alone. Sometimes I enjoy these moments to myself where only the gentle rantings of my upstairs neighbor or cars pulling into the parking lot bother me.

But in all honesty-- I think I am ready. I am ready to settle down-- not this instant, but within a few years. At 22 the last thing that should be on my mind I suppose is settling down. My younger brother (who is a year younger than me) is married and has a baby boy, and my sister-- well she is also younger and the time is tocking away til she marries her high school sweetheart. I feel cheated.

I beg to question "what about me?" I worry that I will live my life in a string of 1 year relationships and that in the end I will be left alone in my adventure through life, that I will continue to go to bed with my teddy-bear, and that I will fix meals for myself.

I deeply desire to be a wife, and a mother. I'm just not sure yet--- I'm not certain it is what I am meant to do. I honestly get angry with God over this. I suppose my anger arises from watching those around me pair up, and from the frustration of so many promising relationships fall to shambles. Yet, oddly each man has impacted my life in positive ways. I just hope that God is shaping my stubborn heart for a really great man.