"I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine all mine"

Job Fairs remind me of the idea of Reconnaissance.

Almost everyone dresses the same. Each employer attempts to lure potential employees with freebies, and each potential employee attempts to find a career that seems fitting.

I've never found career fairs particularly helpful. While they give a general idea of what a company offers, rarely is there someone in your field in that company to talk to. One merely hopes to gain enough information through a less than stellar source for the information one seeks to get a general idea if the company is right for them.

While I did find the career fair to a point interesting and informative, I am still left with a large array of choices, and far too many questions. Where do I want to live? What exactly do I wish to do on a daily basis? What is the minimum I'm willing to get paid? Do I want to be available to be relocated every year?

These questions are overwhelming enough, but then the most terrifying idea arises:
I don't want to stay in Ohio, and this would mean moving away from a person I deeply care about. Again, I'm leaving someone behind and the idea brings me a great deal of anxiety.

As the time frame to start applying for jobs looms nearer everyday, I have put the thought out of my mind, postponed it so to speak. However, the career fair reminds me that this part of my life must be brought forth and dealt with. My feelings must not only be hashed out but expressed.

I never felt comfortable with my feelings, as I have always had reason to avoid attachment usually involved with them. By accepting my feelings, I'd be defenestrating logic and sound reasoning. The problem has become that my feelings match my logic....and I am paralyzed with doubts, sadness, and insecurity. I do not know how to say "I love you" readily without fear, I do not know how to state "I want you in my future" without sounding embarrassed, and the worst part is I do not know how I will deal with the worst case scenario of  "I don't want the same". I am entombed, disoriented, and lacking courage. 

"So if you want to love me
Then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain"

Let's just hope I manage to speak up soon.