"It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny, but I've gotta let it go"

Two-thousand-and-eleven will mark my second non-family Christmas celebration. 

I'm the only one of my siblings that won't be home for Christmas. The ticket prices for a plane ride were ridiculous for Christmas time and I am not made of cash. Only after I bought my tickets to visit my brother later in the coming new year, did my parents offer to help me pay with tickets to come see them over Christmas (along with the rest of the family). After refusing to change my destination and time of my flight, my parents have been rather cold with me. It isn't my fault I make a fifth to a quarter of the salary they make and made the best financial decision for my situation. Got to love credit cards. 

I'd go see my lovely sister for Christmas, however, considering how long it has been since I've seen my brother.... 

I really wanted to start my own holiday traditions this year. I told my dad this and he laughed at me, as if being single/unmarried made me unqualified to start my own traditions. Everyone knows dad that you doubt I'll marry (You were kind enough to announce it at my baby sister's wedding and you are lucky I still talk to you), but this  doesn't mean I cannot start a small tradition of my own.

I put up my tree within the first week of December thinking fondly of my sister as I decorated it with the ornaments she made and sent me last year and ornaments I bought last year to make my tree super cute. When I was younger our family always rearranged the furniture in the living room and put up and decorated the tree together. When I switched families, my mother did the whole thing herself and I grew to miss a tradition from my childhood (despite my birth parents being "sickos"). I mailed out a bazillion Christmas cards and have received a fair share of my own.

Currently, I've been wondering what I want in a "Christmas Holiday Traditional Dinner".  I thought of going to a Christmas Eve service, as I've always loved going, I find myself without someone willing to go with me. It always feels so awkward going to church alone. I will likely at a minimum read the Christmas story from the Bible.

At a minimum, I hope my family will humor me and at least allow me to skype with them over the holiday. 

With everyone leaving town to visit family, I cannot help but feel a touch of depression. In some ways, I'm glad I won't be visiting my parents over Christmas. Being stuck in a house with the politics of 3 married couples would only make me feel more alone and isolated. I'm the odd man out. In truth I envy my siblings. I all but begged my anti-social friend who isn't leaving town for Christmas to come have Christmas dinner with me.

Christmas should be a time I rejoice at the birth of my Saviour Jesus Christ, instead I'm crying as if it were Easter.

I really need a cat.