"The lover is a monotheist..."

who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods.  ~Theodor Reik


My summer roommate and I had a nice talk this evening. She is always very helpful for talking about things that are generally on my mind. We talked about grad school, old flames, and the importance of being loved fully. I think this quote (see above) is fitting for the last topic.


The roomie brought up that when we are loved unconditionally and love unconditionally that a relationship will flourish. I must agree


As a woman I believe I am to love my future husband like I am to love my Lord. Do we not worship our God, our Lord with full knowledge that other "gods" exist? I do. However, I fully know that the Christian God, to me to be the only God out there. I hope I feel the same about my husband some day.


My hopes are that he, my husband, loves me with the same depth and passion in which my Lord does.


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Furthermore I'd like to speak about the lost.  I wept last night about such and for a while I had difficulty sleeping. I wept over people whom I've come to dislike...flaming atheists who've never cared or been nice to me. I guess the thoughts are how am I any different that I am called to Christ?


Hell is a tricky topic for a compassionate Calvinist that I am. It bothers me that I do not understand why God doesn't call the good, the mediocre, the little starving girls of Africa...


Sometimes, it is hard to feel like a productive evangelist and mention hell. Tricky not to scare people into a faith, that for them will be empty. Tricky even more to avoid pissing them off with cases such as Gandhi who by the book is likely to burn in hell--even when many Christians couldn't begin to touch how close to the actions of Christ the man lived. 


Yet it is difficult for me to believe that I will make it to heaven. It doesn't appeal to me. I long to see Christ embrace the lost little girl in Africa just once before I burn.


It is not out of a doubt of my salvation, but an assurance of what is rightfully deserved of my sinful life. I wish I could be like Gandhi-- and perhaps one day I shall overcome my fears of having nothing and do so.