Tomorrow I take a test that I feel has been unjustly placed. Tuesday was the first indication of our progress in the course and since then we have had less than 48 hours to study for a major midterm. After suffering from a migraine most of the day, I have spent the evening doing my best to study for a test I feel drastically under-prepared for.
However, I also realize I've done far too much complaining this week. Yes it has been incredibly stressful with two major midterms and a lab report due, but there is no need to fuss and fight. Sometimes we must play our cards and hope (and pray lots) that in the end we come out even or better.
The funny thing is that most everyone else taking this test will be in the same boat as myself. Grad school has a bad habit of making many people feel stupid.
Feeling stupid makes me cry, especially if the feeling is overwhelming. A fair amount of my confidence lies in my academic abilities. For the first time in my life I have little to no confidence in my ability to perform as a graduate student. I have thought numerous times of dropping out, but I know this is what I want to do. I look forward to getting more in depth into my research. I am very excited about my research. I have made it through far too many trials to falter here.
I can at least say I have done my best to give my best this semester. I really have. I thought of dropping out of the optics program and changing my direction completely. Analytical or physical chemistry, entomology, or even being a dentist (the last one is because the dentist takes so much of my money!). I intend on finishing my degree. I can do this. :)
In other news, I have been sifting and sifting and slowly building courage to go forth in my romantic pursuits. Hopefully things work out.
“God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.” ~Jacques Deval
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