"You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea..."

There was a man all alone; 
   he had neither son nor brother. 
There was no end to his toil, 
   yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. 
“For whom am I toiling,” he asked, 
   “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” 
This too is meaningless— 
   a miserable business!

--Ecclesiastes 4:8

In the bible, the first thing that God recognizes as "not good" is for man to be alone. If God was enough for Adam, why did he make Eve?

I worry that my life will be filled with this "not good" of loneliness. I worry so much that it is me. I'm crazy, abrasive, annoying, and apparently far too talkative.  Lately I have been spending a great deal of time alone. At the same time I have tried desperately to remain as quiet as possible at school. I know they get tired of me talking, but as much as I just want someone to listen to me and tell me all my worries are okay, I continue to deny myself this. They don't care nor do they wish to hear about it. 

This past winter I had a friend that would occasionally come and watch a television show with me. I enjoyed their company, but I haven't seen them in weeks. It has been ages since my female friend and I have just "hung out". 

When I was at SBU I always knew that if I needed someone to talk to or just sit with me that I would find someone who would do so. Right now I'm hundreds of miles from anyone who'd drop what they were doing to spend an hour or two with me. I really miss that. 

When I was growing up I always had my siblings to keep me company. When I was blue my sister was always there to comfort me. My brother was always there to chat with. They grow older and are starting families of their own, thus have less time. I miss talking to my brother after work before we'd go in the house. I miss going to the movies with my sister.

I guess part of getting older is realizing that while the companionship is still needed, the opportunities grow slimmer.