"When I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go"

"I opened to my beloved; But my beloved had withdrawn himself; he was gone: My soul went forth when he spoke. I sought him, but I found him not; I called him, but he gave me no answer." ~Song of Solomon 5:6


I used to call my ex "Beloved" because I loved him in a way that was "Biblical". I loved him as she loved Solomon. 


I found this passage fitting. 


Sometimes, with his demands for me to have a closer walk with God, I think he failed to see how integrated I was. He failed to see the faith in 80 handwritten letters. I like to think I failed to communicate my feelings. I like to think that I had not made my faith a parade for him to see actively. 


I can wish to think a certain way, but that does not change the truth. It was not a failure on my part. I opened the door, I sought him, and I called. He failed simply failed to try, failed to see, and most of all failed to listen. 


I am happy to now have a boyfriend who notices and listens, someone to be there when I open the door, when I call, and when I seek him-- he can be found.


My question tonight is:


Are we not called to seek God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and body's? Should we also have this zealousness for seeking our future spouses? 


All in all, I cannot see myself marrying someone with whom damages our soul through neglect. Perhaps this is why I am no longer with my ex. Perhaps this is why we really are best apart. 


I want to share my soul with a man I can trust to be there when I knock, when I call and when I seek him-- I should be able to find him.


I think I am a step in the right direction.