I want to know where I'll be in 10 years. I want to know that all the education I'm receiving isn't in vain.
Sometimes I sit around and realize how futile my life is. I have no husband or children. I am not incredibly social.
I fear where I am in my life.
It concerns me I could easily go missing several days without notice.
It frightens me deeply.
I worry few would attend my funeral.
I often wonder who'd I leave all my belongings to should I die. I swear sometimes I think like I'm 60+.
I lack tangible motivation. It worries me. I have no one to make proud, I have no one to provide for. It is just me, just me....
I have no one to celebrate readily when things go right.
I have no one to weep with when things go badly.
I know I shouldn't be so concerned. It is dreadful, and is frequently on my mind irregardless. I don't know how people live alone for so long.
I'd like to think that having friends would solve the issue, and while this might be true it isn't the easiest thing for me to do. I am weary of people, and most of the time I come off insulting.
About a week ago I read up on my personality type. I am an INTJ or an INFJ, both which are the rarest of personality types. Furthermore INTJ is the rarest among women. Perhaps this is my trouble?
It is hard to live in a world that is so far from my ideal. It is difficult for me to relate to women, a fact that is becoming an increasing problem as I get older and being friends with the opposite gender is increasingly challenging.
I wonder often what my future holds, and as hard as I try I cannot predict it. I cannot state where I'll be in 5 years. It is impossible to know.
I don't know how I feel tonight. I don't know what to feel. I'm searching for my life in a dark room full of black cats. I'm bored. Very bored with my current life. Things are suppose to be more harmonious and balanced and make sense. Life is beautiful, but unyielding to my future.
*sigh*
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